Monday, May 2, 2011

Failed love long lost

There was a great desire for someone.
The desire not fulfilled,
There was no future,
only caused heartburn.

I don’t believe it is happening to me,
Why is this happening to me?
There is no logic here,
There is so much better else where.
But I want this badly,
Love is blind,
is mad, too
Emotions are foolish,
It has made me vulnerable.

But in this state of being vulnerable,
I am falling in a pit less hole,
With pitiless,
Or just alone,
But I am enjoying it,
The feeling is exhilarating,
And intense,
And it feels good to be connected,
To your own self,
To be true to your feelings.
It is a good phase,
That brings joy,
So experience the joy
The present moment joy
And not colour it with the demands of reason.
It is when you are vulnerable
That you know you are not.
It is when you are vulnerable,
A new you is revealed to you.
And I am happy with what I am doing,
And I am happy with what I am not doing.
I am in control,
And out of it, too.
I am high,
and low.
But I am true to my emotions,
It has made me vulnerable,
also made me strong.

But reason comes to me rushing,
When I am mesmerised by my emotions.
It jolts me to say:
Wake up!
Why with inert?
Don’t sow a fallow land,
Whatever you may give,
It will not reap.
It is a myth.
A fantasy,
That fails in reality, miserably.
You are running after nothing,
You will get nothing.

I feel sad for my desire.
My desire is unfortunate,
Is dead to life,
Can’t feel desire,
Vision is clouded,
And burden is immense,
Subtle joys that come in simple packages,
Get crushed in that burden,
And then what is left is vacuum,
Where there is nothing that soothes,
The emptiness bites,
Alone and morose,
Denial is not bliss,
Denied gets dimmed.

I am for light.
Will not seek light in the heart of darkness.
I am rescued.
Am I?
I am.
God is kind.
Always.

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