Monday, September 29, 2014

GLOW WITH GLOOM

This is for the first time I have used only two colours--black and white. It's not some momentous feast in my life as a so called artist.  Here, in this painting, I deal with my own life--its ups and downs, and how it has treated me.

Life is not black and white but a thousand shades of gray.

Sadness is a powerful emotion. Like love. I now know me better. 

Intensity of any emotions--more so gloom--helps me deal with me better. 

Shades of gray is a metaphor for emotions, not just life. 

I drew no conclusions, found no answers, just experienced: Emotions are subtle, amorphous, yet in my face, shape me.   

Events and people that influence me, cast their shadow on my life, has to do with it and them, but more importantly, has to do with me. 

There were phases in my life when nothing really could make me grim. And there was a  phase in life when nothing could make me happy. I didn't force myself to be happy.

In this painting, life is the curvacious woman intently looking at me. Empathetic. My life, a witness unto me. While I have surrendered to my being, isolated, yet connected to self, is when dark shadows of gloom engulfed me. I am not resisting. I am not trying to light a candle of hope. I glow with gloom.

I am affected by others. I do seek approval . I have expectations. I am judgmental, too.  

I need certain people in my life. And certain others--not. I was with certain people when they needed me. It's when I need them the most, I gave them reasons, some found reasons, to stay away.

I was confronting my negativeness when I made this painting. My negativity is transferred onto the canvas. I glow with gloom.

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